Approaching Storm

We all have the same basic needs, we all want to be loved and to share our lives with people we deem important to us. We take the risk and put our hearts in the hands of others hoping that they will take care of it. It is a little more intimidating as a single mother; not only are you trusting this other person with your heart, but with the hearts of your children. They grow attached to the people we bring into our lives and they are influenced by them. Dating is such a more complicated thing when your kids are put into the equation. There is more risk involved, more things to consider. I feel like I should be hosting interviews instead of dating.

I suddenly find myself thrust back into the “available” market and it just seems overwhelming all over again. I am under no delusion that, for men, dating a single mom is simple. It is anything but; plans need to be made ahead of time, babysitters need to be arranged, the sense of spontaneity seems to be lacking. I’m not saying we are all frumpy moms that prefer to stay home, I’m just saying it takes a little more work is all. I think we are usually worth the little bit of extra work. It does save me from making some rash decisions. I’m not looking forward to trusting someone else to come into my life and not make a mess of it. I don’t make it a habit of introducing my children to ever man I see, but once you do it all begins to get complicated. I was with him for two years. He probably spent more time with them then their actual father, he was good with them and they care about him. So how do you tell them that yet another man has walked out of our lives? He was a good man, and he did care about me and my kids, but he wasn’t ready for the role of father. Oh the joys of single motherhood.

I know eventually that the trusting will become easier, but the idea of letting anyone else into my life just seems like an impossibility. I have had to sacrifice a lot in my life in order to make sure my kids are safe and have what they need; my love life is just another one of those sacrifices.

 

An Exercise in Knowledge

Alright, so I have been doing some thinking and thought that I might offer some advice to others that are in the same sort of position that I am in. Well it is actually advice for anyone that finds themselves single. In truth dating advice is not really something I see myself doing simply because I turn into some awkward preteen when placed in the presence of a member of the opposite sex. Believe me I am not over exaggerating on this, I have friends that can verify this and in fact enjoy teasing me about it. But I am offering this only because it is something that I find important for those in the dating game.

So the little piece of wisdom that I would like to bestow on who ever reads this is that in dating you need to know what you are looking for. Both the things you would like in your future partner and the things you do not want; such as deal breakers. The easiest way to explain this is to give you examples from my list. For me things that would be deal breakers would be: they would have to like children because I have kids, they would have to like reading since I am a hard core book nerd, and they have to be non-smokers because it is something that bothers me. Then there are things on my list that I would like but that aren’t important. For example, I am a tall woman and so I would like my partner to be taller then me, but as I have recently discovered that isn’t necessarily a must. Anyway I have a list of about 30 characteristics of what I am looking for and it has actually helped me to make the right decision’s when it comes to men. It is actually reassuring to know exactly what you want and don’t want. So try it out and see what you find out about your wants and dislikes.