Oh how the times have been changing. Both my children are now attending school (J/K and Grade One)making me realize just how old they (and me) are and I must admit that I had quite a few “mommy” moments. Watching my daughter climb the stairs of the school bus for the first time with her backpack, and new outfit almost brought tears to my eyes. But I have come to terms with these milestones and all that has come to follow.
As my daughter gets older she has definitely come to be an independent and rather sassy little girl that is starting to push the limits of what she can do. My son is growing taller and becoming smarter, and I can’t seem to help but wonder where time has gone. I miss my little babies that would sit and cuddle with me, but now they are kids that just drive me crazy.
I would love to be able to say that after all this time I have mastered the art of parenting and am confident in all that I do, but alas that is not the truth. As time goes on I still find myself questioning it all, but I think I have figured out that I’m not the only parent that feels this way. I guess if parenting were easy everyone would want to do it…alright well I guess that just means that most of us are just crazy then.
My children and the milestones that they keep passing with every day that goes by are not the only things in my life that seems to be changing. There have been more then a few new experiences over the last couple months that have influenced my life and will continue to impact my life in awesome ways, but that will be left to future days.
I remember being a kid and thinking it took forever for every thing to happen. Christmas and Birthday’s seemed eons away and time seemed to move at a snails pace. It may have been worse for me simply because I was not a patient child, well in truth, I’m not really a patient adult either. I find it’s like I blink and a week has gone by. The fact that my last post was 9 days ago and I could have sworn it hadn’t even been a week.
It feels as if time just swallows me whole and leaves me feeling disorientated. Between work, kids, house work, and an attempt at a social life, time just rushes by. As a parent we tend to measure time passing in the growth of our children. My son just lost his first tooth and it had left me wondering where time had gone. He now has an adult tooth coming in and it hits me that he isn’t a toddler any more, he’s my boy. Then in the fall my daughter starts school and I can’t help but think that it all went by so fast. My head spins when I try to think about it all.
The passage of time is getting difficult. I am getting older. My birthday to me is hard, not because of my age but more because it serves as a reminder that I am not where I had planned to be at my age. It’s hard to deny your age when your birthday creeps up and rubs it in your face. I make jokes and brush it off because there isn’t much else I can do about it. But I think I’ll take my Grandma’s advice (though I’m sure she got it from some where) ” you are only as old as you feel.” I like it so that’s what I work for, she also said, “Pick an age you like and stick with it,” which is why this year will be my 4th annual 25th birthday.
Advice for parents: life with kids is busy, especially with work and whatever else that’s happening, but make sure you make time for yourselves. It’s good to remind yourself that you are not just a parent, You are a person that has your own hobbies, your own likes and dislikes, and it is important to remember who that person is.
So let me set the scene for you. I was only a couple months into my 24th year of life and I had my son who had just turned one. So far not too bad, but I was also six months pregnant with my daughter and to top it all off, I was suddenly single. It was like I was bitch slapped by reality and it had left my head spinning.
I had graduated from high school but had dropped out of University because I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my life and spending a bunch of money on that seemed ridiculous. So I was 24 with one kid and one on the way, I was back living at my dads place because I had no savings and I didn’t have anyway to make the money I needed for my family. I was confronted by so many questions about my future and that of my children’s. How was I going to support my little family? How could I provide for them? Could I handle all of it alone?
Well it was time to go back to school. I would really love to say I picked something I wanted, something that I was passionate about, but practicality killed that (I want to write and that doesn’t really leave a lot of cash to support a family with). So the logical side of me ( I think she has pointy Spock ears) decided on something that took the least amount of schooling and makes the most amount of money. I would become a Dental Hygienist. I sacrificed my dreams to pursue a career I didn’t really have much of an interest in. I sacrificed a lot to make sure I put my children’s needs before my own; their wants before mine. I don’t regret any of it but sometimes my mind likes to play the “what if…?” game. What if I didn’t have kids? What if I could do whatever I wanted? But in the end I love my kids and wouldn’t want my life to be with out them. I have found ways to balance some of my wants with theirs. I make time for me and will find away to do what I want to do without sacrificing my families securities. None of it is easy and at times I feel as if I have lost my mind as well as myself but I seem to always find my hope and try to have faith that things will work out.