Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I would love to say that as my kids have gotten older that the job of Mother has gotten easier, but I would be a big fat liar if I did. I can’t speak for every parent in the world, but I feel as if I am losing my mind sometimes. I start to question the choices I have made in life, but, for the most part, every decision I have made was the best one I could make at the time. Raising two kids on one income and barely any support from their father has been harder then I would like to admit, but how does one improve their position in life if they are restricted by the confines of parenthood? There is so much I want to do and see, and yet I can’t just run out and do it. Though that might not necessarily be a bad thing, it does stop me from making rash decisions(which would probably happen).

Then there comes the topic of ones love life. As a single parent finding someone to share your life with is a job all on its own(wasn’t that easy for me prior to being a mother either). But once you find someone how do you ask them to make the choice to take on the role of parent so quickly? Most people who become parents have time to get used to the idea instead of something happening instantaneously. I guess the only other choice would be to just be alone, but that isn’t really option for me (I really don’t like cats enough to be a crazy cat lady when I’m old). So I wait and have faith that everything will work out.

It isn’t all bad though. Mother’s day has just past and it made me believe that I actually wasn’t doing such a bad job of being a mother, which was extremely relieving. I have not been gifted with patience, but all I can do is wait and see. Wait and see what kind of people my children turn into, wait in see how my heart gets handled, and wait and see how the future unfolds. What I really need is a time machine.

Sick Day? What’s a Sick Day?

So recently I¬†succumbed to the not so tender grasp of the flu and with luck, so did my daughter. Nothing like being sick and having to take care of the sick to make you feel helpless. It kind of brings to mind the whole blind leading the blind statement. But it wasn’t just feeling helpless when taking care of my daughter but also dealing with my¬†rambunctious son who happened to have missed getting the virus. I pride myself on being able to handle being a single mom and everything that comes along with it, but that flu had kicked my ass.

I am a rather stubborn women with a fair amount of pride and I absolutely hate to admit when I need help (I’m pretty sure most people are similar though don’t realize it). Anyway when I was laying on the couch curled up in the fetal position mentally fighting my stomach I realized just how alone I was. Most people when they are sick can just take the time to rest and recover, but when I was at my worst and needed someone, there was no one but me. I am the type of person that will take care of the people that are important to me when they are ill; I guess you can say I mother them :). It was just a little deflating to realize that there was no one there to return the favor when it was my turn.

Well it was a good thing I wasn’t sick for long and I was able to take care of myself and my daughter while not tying my son to a chair(though it was rather tempting at times). I think I rather stick to taking care of others rather then feeling sorry for myself since it’s not my cup of tea. I definitely have a new found appreciation for being healthy. I just hope that others out there don’t take for granted the people they have around them and what those people do for them.