I would like to take a moment and quote the Red Hot Chili Peppers:
“Your love is like a Rollercoster baby, baby I wanna ride”
Or if you prefer something a little old school, how about some Shakespeare:
“The course of true love never did run smooth.”
No matter how you look at it love has never been something easy and smooth. Every relationship has its high points and its low moments. All we can truly hope for is that the good times out way the bad; that they make the bad times seem almost worth it. It doesn’t matter if you are gay or straight, a single parent or a crazy teenager, love will take hold and do whatever it chooses to do, we are all just along for the ride. I have had some horrible relationships that taught me what to look for in a partner, I have met good men that showed me that they do exist in this world, and I have had a relationship that has helped mold me into the person I am today.
Love is one of the few things in life that doesn’t seem to care if you believe in it or not. It will still find away to get to you and drag you along for a ride you may not have wanted to get on. You just have to figure out if you enjoyed the ride while it was happening or, if you didn’t, whether you learned something from it. I took me a long time and many mistakes to figure out that I don’t actually need some one to love me. Don’t get me wrong I would love to have some one that loves me, but it is a want rather then a need. I had myself convinced that to be happy I needed someone to love me, which lead me into one bad relationship after another. A new perspective on life and love has shown me the error of my ways.
I do fear love though. I fear that it makes a fool out of me and makes me into a naive child that forgives too easily. Guess some things I never really learn from.
I would love to say that as my kids have gotten older that the job of Mother has gotten easier, but I would be a big fat liar if I did. I can’t speak for every parent in the world, but I feel as if I am losing my mind sometimes. I start to question the choices I have made in life, but, for the most part, every decision I have made was the best one I could make at the time. Raising two kids on one income and barely any support from their father has been harder then I would like to admit, but how does one improve their position in life if they are restricted by the confines of parenthood? There is so much I want to do and see, and yet I can’t just run out and do it. Though that might not necessarily be a bad thing, it does stop me from making rash decisions(which would probably happen).
Then there comes the topic of ones love life. As a single parent finding someone to share your life with is a job all on its own(wasn’t that easy for me prior to being a mother either). But once you find someone how do you ask them to make the choice to take on the role of parent so quickly? Most people who become parents have time to get used to the idea instead of something happening instantaneously. I guess the only other choice would be to just be alone, but that isn’t really option for me (I really don’t like cats enough to be a crazy cat lady when I’m old). So I wait and have faith that everything will work out.
It isn’t all bad though. Mother’s day has just past and it made me believe that I actually wasn’t doing such a bad job of being a mother, which was extremely relieving. I have not been gifted with patience, but all I can do is wait and see. Wait and see what kind of people my children turn into, wait in see how my heart gets handled, and wait and see how the future unfolds. What I really need is a time machine.
At this time in life I have to take a moment and share with others my appreciation for the men that can look at a single mother and the mess of a life she occupies, and thinks to himself, “I want to be a part of that.” It takes a special breed of man to take on and share the responsibilities that a single mother shoulders day after day.
When I first became a single mother and faced with the reality that I would have to, eventually, start the dating game, if I didn’t want to become a celibate nun, I was scared. I questioned the existence of a man that would see me, see my kids, and see the mess that I call life and want to share it all with me.I thought that any sane man would take one look at it all and run screaming for the hills. After three plus years of being single and my numerous failures at dating, that a rather suppress, I had given up all hope that such men existed. But in the end I found one. I found a man that came into my life and charmed not just me, but my children as well.
Even before I had kids I had a rather negative view on love and men in general, but things change when you meet someone that can accept you for everything you are. So I would like to say to the men in the world that takes a single mother into their hearts, and loves her and her children, that you are all truly knights in shining armor. There is something amazing about you all. Thank you all for being so awesome. And to the men that are terrified of these strong, amazing mother’s, you don’t know what you’re missing.
I remember being a kid and thinking it took forever for every thing to happen. Christmas and Birthday’s seemed eons away and time seemed to move at a snails pace. It may have been worse for me simply because I was not a patient child, well in truth, I’m not really a patient adult either. I find it’s like I blink and a week has gone by. The fact that my last post was 9 days ago and I could have sworn it hadn’t even been a week.
It feels as if time just swallows me whole and leaves me feeling disorientated. Between work, kids, house work, and an attempt at a social life, time just rushes by. As a parent we tend to measure time passing in the growth of our children. My son just lost his first tooth and it had left me wondering where time had gone. He now has an adult tooth coming in and it hits me that he isn’t a toddler any more, he’s my boy. Then in the fall my daughter starts school and I can’t help but think that it all went by so fast. My head spins when I try to think about it all.
The passage of time is getting difficult. I am getting older. My birthday to me is hard, not because of my age but more because it serves as a reminder that I am not where I had planned to be at my age. It’s hard to deny your age when your birthday creeps up and rubs it in your face. I make jokes and brush it off because there isn’t much else I can do about it. But I think I’ll take my Grandma’s advice (though I’m sure she got it from some where) ” you are only as old as you feel.” I like it so that’s what I work for, she also said, “Pick an age you like and stick with it,” which is why this year will be my 4th annual 25th birthday.
Advice for parents: life with kids is busy, especially with work and whatever else that’s happening, but make sure you make time for yourselves. It’s good to remind yourself that you are not just a parent, You are a person that has your own hobbies, your own likes and dislikes, and it is important to remember who that person is.
I don’t think any girl thinks “I want to be a single mother when I grow up”, I know that it never crossed my mind when I was a little girl. Sure I wanted the family and the whole “Happily Ever After” business, but I never even wondered what it would be like to raise kids on my own. In fact the life I have with my kids and their father is the farthest thing from what I had imagined. My kids have been witnesses to fighting between myself and their father that I would have preferred to have avoided. I’ve had to sacrifice a lot in my life to make sure that I can give my kids a stable, safe life.
Most of the time I feel as if I am actually two different people forced to share the same piece of flesh. I am Teresa and I am Mother and I am being pulled in two different directions. There are a couple people I have in my life that have helped my fuse the two together and I am extremely grateful to have them in my life. They helped me by letting me be myself, whether it’s listening to me bitch and complain about my life, hanging out with me and my kids, supporting me in what ever I chose to do, and opening my eyes to new things. As sappy as this sounds I believe that I am a better person because of these people. Your quality of life really does reflect who you let into your life.