Daydreaming and Reality

We all want what we don’t have. It is true for just about anything; short people want to be tall, tall people want to be shorter, old people want to be younger and the young wish to be older. It is actually rather rare to be completely, 100% happy with what we have and who we are. Me for instance; most of the time I am fine with being a single mom, it’s tough but I’ve kind of gotten used to it, but then there are times when I’m not.

Going out and seeing father’s with their children and families enjoying time out together makes me realize what I don’t have. I always wanted the whole family deal and I ended up with the wonderful kids but instead of the loving husband and father I got an asshole I never really wanted to have kids with in the first place (It’s a rather long story but lets just say not all forms of birth control are great). There is a pang of hurt when I see these families and I have to wonder why I couldn’t have that. Trying to picture a family for my self is actually starting to become difficult, like it’s an alien concept for me.

I think after all this time my basic instincts are kicking in and I’m just waiting for some cave man to come grunting by and club me over the head so he can drag me back it his cave. Courting was such a┬ásimpler┬áthing back then.