Milestones and Time Passing

Oh how the times have been changing. Both my children are now attending school (J/K and Grade One)making me realize just how old they (and me) are and I must admit that I had quite a few “mommy” moments. Watching my daughter climb the stairs of the school bus for the first time with her backpack, and new outfit almost brought tears to my eyes. But I have come to terms with these milestones and all that has come to follow.

As my daughter gets older she has definitely come to be an independent and rather sassy little girl that is starting to push the limits of what she can do. My son is growing taller and becoming smarter, and I can’t seem to help but wonder where time has gone. I miss my little babies that would sit and cuddle with me, but now they are kids that just drive me crazy.

I would love to be able to say that after all this time I have mastered the art of parenting and am confident in all that I do, but alas that is not the truth. As time goes on I still find myself questioning it all, but I think I have figured out that I’m not the only parent that feels this way. I guess if parenting were easy everyone would want to do it…alright well I guess that just means that most of us are just crazy then.

My children and the milestones that they keep passing with every day that goes by are not the only things in my life that seems to be changing. There have been more then a few new experiences over the last couple months that have influenced my life and will continue to impact my life in awesome ways, but that will be left to future days.

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Sacrificing for Love

So let me set the scene for you. I was only a couple months into my 24th year of life and I had my son who had just turned one. So far not too bad, but I was also six months pregnant with my daughter and to top it all off, I was suddenly single. It was like I was bitch slapped by reality and it had left my head spinning.

I had graduated from high school but had dropped out of University because I was unsure of what I wanted to do with my life and spending a bunch of money on that seemed ridiculous. So I was 24 with one kid and one on the way, I was back living at my dads place because I had no savings and I didn’t have anyway to make the money I needed for my family. I was confronted by so many questions about my future and that of my children’s. How was I going to support my little family? How could I provide for them? Could I handle all of it alone? 

Well it was time to go back to school. I would really love to say I picked something I wanted, something that I was passionate about, but practicality killed that (I want to write and that doesn’t really leave a lot of cash to support a family with). So the logical side of me ( I think she has pointy Spock ears) decided on something that took the least amount of schooling and makes the most amount of money. I would become a Dental Hygienist. I sacrificed my dreams to pursue a career I didn’t really have much of an interest in. I sacrificed a lot to make sure I put my children’s needs before my own; their wants before mine. I don’t regret any of it but sometimes my mind likes to play the “what if…?” game. What if I didn’t have kids? What if I could do whatever I wanted? But in the end I love my kids and wouldn’t want my life to be with out them. I have found ways to balance some of my wants with theirs. I make time for me and will find away to do what I want to do without sacrificing my families securities. None of it is easy and at times I feel as if I have lost my mind as well as myself but I seem to always find my hope and try to have faith that things will work out.