Oh how the times have been changing. Both my children are now attending school (J/K and Grade One)making me realize just how old they (and me) are and I must admit that I had quite a few “mommy” moments. Watching my daughter climb the stairs of the school bus for the first time with her backpack, and new outfit almost brought tears to my eyes. But I have come to terms with these milestones and all that has come to follow.
As my daughter gets older she has definitely come to be an independent and rather sassy little girl that is starting to push the limits of what she can do. My son is growing taller and becoming smarter, and I can’t seem to help but wonder where time has gone. I miss my little babies that would sit and cuddle with me, but now they are kids that just drive me crazy.
I would love to be able to say that after all this time I have mastered the art of parenting and am confident in all that I do, but alas that is not the truth. As time goes on I still find myself questioning it all, but I think I have figured out that I’m not the only parent that feels this way. I guess if parenting were easy everyone would want to do it…alright well I guess that just means that most of us are just crazy then.
My children and the milestones that they keep passing with every day that goes by are not the only things in my life that seems to be changing. There have been more then a few new experiences over the last couple months that have influenced my life and will continue to impact my life in awesome ways, but that will be left to future days.
I’m sure most parents, or rather most people have read or heard “Love You Forever” by Robert Munch, and as a mother I kinda do what the mother in the book does…minus the singing and rocking bit, too afraid to wake the sleeping beasts. But I sometime go into my kids room just to watch them sleep for a while. It’s the perfect opportunity to witness them at there most serene, most innocent. It’s a time where you don’t need to exercise restraint.
It happens in these stolen moments that I usually get overwhelmed with disbelief that I am a mother and that I am doing an okay job of it, I mean I have managed to keep them alive and thriving for this long it is very possible that I can continue to do so whether I am alone or not. I still can’t seem to grasp fully the fact that these two little people are mine, that they are a part of me. It seems so incredibly impossible and amazing all at once.
There is just about nothing better then a soft bed, a comfy pillow, and a fluffy comforter. I love my bed and yet we have a very complicated relationship. No matter how tired I may be as soon as my kids are in bed and silence finally descends on me all I can think about is how much stuff I can get done without them under foot, or the chance to actually watch something other then cartoons (though I must confess, there are some cartoons I get as much enjoyment out of watching as they do). But no matter what it is sleep and my bed are usually the furthest things from my mind. I am a night person and so I usually feel more energetic and awake once the sun goes down (might also be because my children are in bed). Then morning comes around and even on those lucky days when my kids actually sleep in my oh so pleasant internal alarm clock wakes me up at 8 anyway. Oh how I try to deny the fact I am a wake, how I cling to the fading dreams and pray that sleep will return, but in the end it never really works. I lay in bed for as long as I can (usually the increasing need to pee makes staying in bed impossible) and then its back to morning routines.
There are times when I am talking to others and they like to tell me how they slept in until noon, and how tired they are, and I can start to feel my hand twitch with restraint. Don’t they know that you never talk to a parent about sleep? We don’t want to hear about your 12 hours of sleep, or how tired you are since you just worked eight hours. Being a parent is working full time and then going home to work another full time job. Luckily the little monsters are cute and are usually good for a laugh or two, most of the time they don’t even know why they are being funny which just makes it even better. It amazes me sometimes to think about my pre-mother life and how I would feel exhausted if I didn’t get eight hours of sleep, and now I could get four hours and still function (pretty sure I’m just working on auto-pilot on those days).
So enjoy every hour of sleep you get and never take sleeping in for granted. Even though I am sure most parents are like me and if you do miraculously sleep in you just end up thinking about all the things you could have gotten done in that time.