I have gotten so used to pretending that everything is fine; that my life wasn’t a giant mess, that I’m not lost, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. I look in the mirror and apply my makeup. I smile and tell myself good things. I go through my day and it seems that those around me are fooled by my mask. Don’t get me wrong there are many days that I am fine but there are days that I just can’t seem to hold it together any longer. I don’t want peoples pity; to have people look at me with some sad face that just screams, “Oh that poor girl.”. So I keep most things locked away. The truth is that I am sad, I am alone, and I am scared of the future. But I know that I am either strong enough…or stubborn enough to deal with it.
The way I deal is through what I call my distractions. Other’s I guess could classify them as hobbies, or just creative pursuits but to me they are distractions. They let me forget about everything negative in my life and help me to feel positive and happy.
My distractions include:
1. Writing- I write novels, short stories, letters, and I keep a journal
2. Painting- this includes sketching. I use any kind of paint from water colour to oils
3. Carving- I do both soap stone carving and wood carving
4. Jewelry- I make my own jewelry
5. Pottery- I work with clay
My advice to people who find life too difficult to deal with and need to find some inner peace, try doing something artistic. Be creative and use a part of your brain that you haven’t used in a while. Brush the dust of the grey matter and you might find something you enjoy and brings you happiness. We cannot depend on others to give us happiness we must find our own and share it.