Adjustments and Compromises

It has been over a year since the last time I posted, and yet it doesn’t feel like its been that long. Things have changed for me and my little family. I can no longer consider myself a single mother, I have opened my heart up and let in a man; which could have proved to be disastrous, but I lucked out. I’m not going to tell you that it has been easy, or that there hasn’t been bad days, but he is an understanding guy, and we have learned to talk and to work on things.

It was actually harder then I had thought to start living with someone again. I hadn’t realized the damage I had suffered from the years of verbal abuse I had endured. I had though that there was a difference between physical abuse and verbal abuse, but the scars they leave behind are very similar. I am lucky to have found some one that cares about me and has patience with me when I become irrational, and sometimes altogether ridiculous. Oh, I know when I am being ridiculous, but it doesn’t really stop things from continuing on.

I wasn’t the only one that had to adjust, he found himself in a relationship where he was suddenly the father figure, which is a frightening role to the unprepared. He does a wonderful job, but it is still something to adjust to. As a parent you have to sacrifice some amount of freedom to care for your children, and for someone walking into that, might find it difficult to do. As time has gone by it has gotten easier and I think we have found our groove on how to handle life.

I would like to offer some advice for those who are searching for love, but are hesitant to grab hold of it. Find someone that will make you laugh, who will be patient and enduring. Don’t settle for just anyone, find out what you really, truly want from that other person. Once you know what you are looking for it becomes easier to see. Don’t forget to talk to each other, even if you are scared of how they will react, keeping things locked up will not help anything. If you don’t think you’d be able to say it properly write it out.

I am happy, even with my quiet doubts, and insecurities. I know I am lucky to have someone in my life that wants to share new experiences with me.

Advertisements

An Exercise in Knowledge

Alright, so I have been doing some thinking and thought that I might offer some advice to others that are in the same sort of position that I am in. Well it is actually advice for anyone that finds themselves single. In truth dating advice is not really something I see myself doing simply because I turn into some awkward preteen when placed in the presence of a member of the opposite sex. Believe me I am not over exaggerating on this, I have friends that can verify this and in fact enjoy teasing me about it. But I am offering this only because it is something that I find important for those in the dating game.

So the little piece of wisdom that I would like to bestow on who ever reads this is that in dating you need to know what you are looking for. Both the things you would like in your future partner and the things you do not want; such as deal breakers. The easiest way to explain this is to give you examples from my list. For me things that would be deal breakers would be: they would have to like children because I have kids, they would have to like reading since I am a hard core book nerd, and they have to be non-smokers because it is something that bothers me. Then there are things on my list that I would like but that aren’t important. For example, I am a tall woman and so I would like my partner to be taller then me, but as I have recently discovered that isn’t necessarily a must. Anyway I have a list of about 30 characteristics of what I am looking for and it has actually helped me to make the right decision’s when it comes to men. It is actually reassuring to know exactly what you want and don’t want. So try it out and see what you find out about your wants and dislikes.