The Big Bad “D” Word…

In most parts of my life I was happy, but when it came to men and the possibility of a relationship I still considered myself tainted. I didn’t think I had worth, that I didn’t have anything to offer someone in a relationship. Finally after years of being single and the inability to meet available men got to me and I made the decision to look for love online. Oh I know there are some of you out there rolling your eyes at how ludicrous that sounds but I was getting lonely and maybe just a tad desperate so I tried it. But in the end all I got was a bunch of bad dates with men that wanted sex and not a whole lot more. I had set out looking for love and ended up with a feeling of inadequacy and a self esteem that was sorely bruised. I soon discovered that I ended up with these guys because of how I looked at myself. I didn’t think I was worth the effort. I didn’t think I deserved to find someone. I guess there was part of me that just didn’t believe that I could find love with the life I had.

In the end I realized that before I could bring someone else into my life I had to first forgive myself for putting up with the abusive of my ex for so long. Also I had to start forgiving him for what had happened. My forgiveness for my ex is something that I am always working on and I expect that I always will. But forgiving myself felt incredible and helped me to become happier in my life.

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